Confusing All That Is Real
The Writing

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"I know he does with every fiber in his body..."

Humanistic, that's how Dan described him in his writings when he was bothered enough to do them. True, Daniel had decided to wander back into his life after a few lifetimes. The ones that had once held them together were all gone, off to better lives in better places. He carried them with him everywhere, locked in his mind and heart and soul.

Daniel was still as he had always been, observant, attentive and peaceful, and hardly anything ever changed his demeanor. Through everything that had gone on, the quiet one would never let the world get to him in a way that would bog him grudgingly to the solid Earth.

How much time had actually passed would never really be counted by either, it wasn't worth the worry when it wasn't a factor. They would be forever timeless, together, even if Daniel didn't want it. Forever the teacher, his words still came from wisdom, though they came few and far between when he finally observed his student in the true light of what he had come so far to be.

Student wrote as well when he could, noting down what he could while watching through his own thoughts and ideals. He would scribble through numerous pages in just a few hours, letting his words pour out like before.

"He hasn't changed at all, not in anything. I suppose I should feel unnerved by this, but I know he sees the same in me. He told me the other day that he had never met anyone as human as I was, and that thought comforted me for a long while. Though he doesn't realize, he too is more 'human' than what he would readily realize. What he doesn't know is that I saw him cry, saw him break at the bedsides of the one family I told him I wouldn't touch. Everyone else, I carry them with me, but his family, his parents and brothers, were his to deal. He could never force himself to do what I did, and watched them fade from his grasp. No one complained when their services were all held in the early hours of night, or that things were ready and paid. I watched from the banisters, scared that I would raise suspicion if I sat with everyone else. No one can ever tell me that Daniel Jones does not feel, because I know he does with every fiber in his body."

He loved being able to sit alone and watch him, just as much as he enjoyed actual interaction. Words were never really needed, though in some small way, both of them felt it necessary to keep things absolutely clear and perfect.

Then one night, something happened that proved just where Daniel was standing in his journey. It was another hotel, another spacious room with a huge and overdone bed that would never be slept in while the former singer had his name on the register. Again, the tub was more than to his liking, and he'd been collapsing into it for nearly a week's worth of nights when he was startled out of routine. He was falling into sleep when he heard a soft knock at the door, unusual. He bolted for it when an even softer voice spoke to him through it.

They slept in the same room that night, no questions asked and none wondered. It had been the first time since their last tour together that Dan had come to him, not in want of anything more than a soul he could connect with laying somewhere near.

"Somewhere in sleep I heard him talking, mumbling about random things as he drifted in and out of sleep. 'Brothers,' he said, 'brothers of life and now of death. Brothers of flesh and now of blood. Brothers of a love that would cut deeper than any wound.' I don't know if he ever remembers what he says, or if he would even care to most of the time, but somewhere I hope that it is me his mind is calling for. If it is not, then perhaps there is more to him that I still need to learn of recent. At least he doesn't try to hide or keep things from me if I ask. It's just not his way to shy from me like he would of others. I still wonder what, if anything, I am keeping from myself by living the way I do. In all of these years, I still have yet to meet another of our kind, and it racks my mind to try to find reasoning. Surely I have lived long enough to have noticed if any had come near?"

As his writings went on, they would become more random ramble than deep thought and observation. He would grumble as he would glance back over it, cursing himself for the childish display it often resulted in. He never quite got passed his complaining, the fact that he could never be satisfied, and that no matter how hard he tried, he would always find something worth bickering for. Most of such papers ended in an apology just before dawn, stating the loss of his mind, and how he couldn't believe what had gotten into him. If time was no longer an issue, being sated all of his waking shouldn't be of concern when he had all of eternity to bask in his own personal glory.

Daniel was a far cry, having learned for himself what he needed, and what wasn't. Often, he would indulge his longings just long enough to keep him going, what was needed in his mind. He worked still as he did as mortal, making certain things were balanced in the right and correct before sneaking off for a want instead of worrying about the needs.

"Pleasure is always a 'want', Darren, that never changes. Many things fall under this heading, but everyone works that out a bit differently than I do. For all simplicity, you are working for things that will keep you sane, because even indulging in too many wants and pleasures will only end you in insanity. Our kind has been lost to it as many times as it is possible to count. Let's both hope that neither of us reach that point."

Solitude in the Darkness

The Fiction of Savage Garden

Wolf Ramboz, 2002