Confusing All That Is Real
The Lesson

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"It is nights like these when I long for it the most..."

He had sat back, watching the moon travel across whatever sky that sat under for the night. On many of these nights, he would shed tears as the brilliant orb rose and fell, came and left his life again, night after night. Somewhere along the line, he had finally passed the fine thread of what had once made him unique in a very dull world.

He had truly been everywhere, seen everything that the night could offer to him, but it failed to raise his spirits. His companion, too, had fallen into a decade's long bout of depression that he was slowly losing his battle with. His eyes could never shed the glaze of sorrow that continually held him captive.

One particular night found them both sitting on a distant rooftop, watching a storm break somewhere off across the valley, the stars shining brightly over where they stood.

"It is nights like these when I long for it the most, when I know I could let it all go, and I wouldn't care any longer what happened. A night like this lets you look back over everything you've done with the lifetimes you gained over everyone else, the countless number of things you saw and did through the centuries. You know, we've seen so many nights go by, 146,000 to be exact. 400 years isn't too bad of a life, is it?"

"400 years, 146,000 nights, 3,504,000 hours, 210,240,000 minutes, and 12,614,400,000 seconds. We've seen everything that could be seen, did everything that we ever wanted to do, lived the lives that we longed so badly for. Daniel, it is nights like these that make me think that I could never be happier again."

They fell into a comfortable silence again, letting the air carry whispers between them from the streets and bustle of mortals below. He stood, walking slowly to the edge of the roof before perching on the overhang. Deep maroon streaks spread down his face, falling to settle on his black leather jacket. He felt the dampened texture between his fingers, sighing deeply as a hand gently rested on his shoulder.

He didn't move his gaze from the lights below, his tears tinting his view into a murky red as he raised a hand to brush them away. He eyed his hand for a moment, the way the red painted the deathly white tone into something almost livable. He hadn't fed in days, almost expecting the night to come where they would be like this, stark silence in debate of what was to come in the near future.

He remembered things that had brought him joy, his own personal peace in a world of turmoil. His homes around the world where he could collapse and never be bothered, his friends that he had long outlived. His parents who had done everything they could for him, and his fans that respected his music and heard it for what it was. Nothing could replace them in his heart.

"At least the good outnumbered the bad this time around, Darren. You can't ask for much more than that."

He lifted his head, watching the figure that stood to his side look over the edge and back to the sky. It almost seemed like the stars were caught in his eyes, the brilliant emeralds scanning his surroundings for something for something that couldn't be found. His chest moved slightly with each breath, his sweater rising and falling on his frame.

Their gazes met, the same emotion reflected, a breath passing between them. A sigh, a touch, and then he was gone again, sitting back in the center of the roof, his head tilted back towards the rising moon. Thunder echoed from miles away, lightening nothing more than a minute flash in the fading distance.

Hours drew and passed, the silence growing louder between them as the storm edged closer, the flashes becoming brighter, crashes ringing through the air. Neither moved as the clouds overtook their stars, turning the black even darker, under-lit only by the subtle neon from stories below. People were heading for the safety of their homes, vehicles slowing until no sound of them remained.

As the rain started pouring down, he shrugged off his jacket, laying it on the roof behind him before moving on to his shirt. He crouched again, letting the drops dribble down his skin is slow streams. His hair fell to the damp, a few stray drops running down his forehead and off the end of his nose. He stretched as he stood, turning to see his companion in much the same way, laid out on the roof letting the liquid run over him as his hand rested languidly on his stomach.

"The rain came the night that it was done, and the night you came back to me. Will this mark another remembrance?"

"We only truly miss one thing, Darren, and perhaps we will get it back tonight. Let the rain wash away whatever keeps you here..."

"I miss the sun, Daniel."

"I know, Darren. I know..."

They sat side by side, talking quietly as the rain continued to fall over them, bathing them clean of the past. They watched the horizon as the clouds began to shift away once again, the end of the storm in sight, the stars poking through. A few lights still twinkled on the streets below, a section of the world finally lost into the depths of sleep as they looked on.

"We balanced a delicate web between our hands, grasping what we wished, letting the rest fall from the threads into oblivion. Fate is much the same way I suppose, letting some walk the thin line while others fall from memory and existence. You and I, we cheated it, hovering above it so we would never fall. There was always one lesson that could never be taught, no matter how many times we watch the others. That lesson is how to let go of ourselves. We were once born to the light, and it is time to end it in the face of the last bright and glorious dawn. I can never say where we will go from here, but I know it must be a wondrous place."

His words fell into silence as the sky began to lighten, chasing the clouds away from the clearest blue sky either had ever remembered.

Solitude in the Darkness

The Fiction of Savage Garden

Wolf Ramboz, 2002