WR: Alright, so on to question two. Since we know that Ben is obviously a kinky little monster, this one is for you, Karl. Tell us about the worst, scariest, most disappointing, or most ridiculous sex toy that your partner ever whipped out on you. And we want DETAILS.

*Karl manages to keep a straight face as Ben's eyebrows shoot up*

BC: Karl, are you sure you want to answer this?

KL: Absolutely. Besides the dildo mentioned earlier, he tried to screw me with a luke-warm cucumber...

WR: Ben! You animal! *Giggles madly*

BC: Well it seemed like a good idea at the time. It's not like I beat him with it or anything.

KL: That would have been interesting. 'Savage Garden drummer beat to death with luke-warm cucumber...' Darren would probably come running in with his little halo asking what happened. I have it on good authority that he and Daniel have used stranger, but that's them. Stupid fucking monkeys. I swear they never quit!

BC: This is about you and I, not them!

KL: Yeah, but any fan would like to know, wouldn't they?

BC: That depends on the fan.

KL: Anyway, so Ben comes in with this grocery bag one afternoon and tells me he's in the mood, as if he's ever out of the mood. Ever wonder why he plays guitar? He pulls out this cucumber that was like massive, and winks at me. I should have killed him then, or at least done something with it because he told me to go up to the bedroom and that he'd be up in a few minutes.

BC: Why did you go if you didn't want it?

KL: Maybe I was confused. Ever think of that?

BC: Maybe you just aren't confessing your love of odd vegetables.

KL: *glares at Ben for a moment* That's not the point. The point is, he told me to go up to the bedroom so he could try to assault me with some huge mutant cucumber. As soon as I sat down on the bed, I realized in some way what was about to happen, and that I didn't really have a way to get out of it.

BC: You could have said something.

KL: I could have killed you with your dog dildo too. I figured that he was either trying to get back at me for fucking him so hard with that dildo, or he was making up for it, one or the other. It got worse when I heard him coming up the stairs. He came through the door with that shit-eating grin, and I lost it.

BC: I think he had claws buried in the ceiling, it was a great sight. *Chuckles to himself*

WR: So what actually ended up happening then?

KL: I attacked him. I don't even know really why I did, but I pounced on him and tried to take it from him.

BC: He came at me like some wacked kamikaze pilot. What was stupid was that I just stood there like a deer in the headlights. It didn't even occur to me what he might do, but I was pinned up against the door as soon as it had been shut behind me.

KL: I don't even remember what I said...Something about fucking with mutated, luke-warm cucumbers. Anyway, having him up against the door didn't last very long, and we ended up rolling around on the floor for a long time, just trying to get the upper hand in the situation, though it was really me just trying to destroy the demented vegetable.

BC: Why do you keep making it sound like the cucumber was trying to attack you?

KL: Because it was. You microwaved it, and it grew it's own mind from the radiation. At some point, Ben ended up dropping it, and part of it got smashed when we rolled over onto it. He groaned rather loudly, and I jumped up, doing my little victory dance until he picked up what was left of it. I guess he hadn't smashed enough of it to make it look like he couldn't carry on with his plans, and before I realized it, he had me face planted on the bed, his knee holding my hands behind my back. That's right, it went from having fun with a cucumber, to 'Rape Karl with a Cucumber.'

BC: I was not trying to rape you!

KL: You wouldn't know what rape was if you were beat with it. He was trying to work off my pants when he found out he couldn't do it with me pinned against the bed. He had to put the evil green thing down so he could move me enough to do what he wanted. I looked over at it and noted that I've seen better specimens, though it certainly looked interesting at the time. The middle was all soft from the microwave, but the outside was still hard. *Snickers to himself*

BC: The crazy fuck told me to let him up because he had a better idea. I told him as long as it got us off, I didn't care at that point.

WR: So what did you do?

KL: I screwed the cucumber.

BC: I think that's putting it lightly.

KL: I told him to fuck me because I was going to screw the cucumber.

WR: You two are sick, you know that?

BC: Hey, you asked...

KL: Sadly, the luke-warm mutated cucumber didn't last very long, only two rounds I think before it pretty much fell apart. It was slimy too, come to think of it. Needless to say, if he ever brings another one home, I'll kill him. There is a ban on evil green thingies entering the house.

BC: You know you liked it...

KL: No, it was just an excuse to get you to fuck me.

BC: You didn't like the cucumber?

KL: I am never sticking my donger in any slimy holes again. Slick yes, but slimy vegetables are out of the question. Maybe it was more ridiculous than disgusting, but I am reserving my judgement until Ben decides to do something else stupid, like attacking me with a carrot or something. By the way, if you ever do that, I will leave you, no questions asked.

BC: *Bottom lip quivers* I was a good idea at the time. You notice my fun always gets spoiled by what Karl thinks about everything. You don't see me complaining, do you?

KL: That's because I don't try to rape you with odd legumes...

WR: I think we'll leave it like that. Good lord, how did I get myself into this?