Six months had gone by, 183 days to be exact since he had left his small package on the doorstep that had come back to change his life once more, not that he would mind. Time had taken him back on the road, though, back out to what he had before again, the reason he wrote the song in the first place, the one that had started their 'Second Coming' to each other. It wasn't fair to either what he was doing, but in a way, it was out of his control.
They had both spent the rest of that day sitting in the park where they had met like nothing had ever changed, like they had never been apart a day, or even a moment. They had been so eager, so ready to begin again that it seemed like nothing had really happened between them.
An argument had burned them, raging for long days on end, betraying one of the elder's fevered beliefs. Many nights had seen them sleeping alone in chilly rooms away from the comfort they had sought. He was going on tour, and no matter how many words were voiced, or left unsaid, it couldn't change the fact. He had done what was possible, and then lain the rest in God's hands, only to have it, seemingly, thrown back in his face. He prayed, instead, that he could hold them together through the time once more.
The younger had given him a CD the moment before he left, telling him to listen to it again. He did numerous times on his way between venues and hotels, asking himself what he had asked in the song.
"No, I will never be where I want to be as long as I am kept out here..."
He hadn't known it then, but the trading of the disk had started another connection, another theory that music and lyrics could always carry a message, even when the person sending it wasn't there. Many songs were sent back and forth in the progress of the tour, a tape or CD arriving at the respected home or hotel room, usually a short note attached. One had sent 'Truly, Madly, Deeply', the other had sent back 'Somewhere Out There." A CD containing 'Like It Or Not' was delivered, a tape with 'You'll Be In My Heart' was returned. What made the small difference was that the ones being returned were surprisingly not the voices of the original, but rather of the sender himself.
183 days since he had first left the things on the doorstep, and 160 since he'd had to leave again. He had sent a rewritten version of 'Daniel' that a fan had written, and was losing his patience for an answer. He wanted to hear the voice, the simple piano or possibly guitar in the background. More in truth, he wanted anything...He was becoming lonelier on the circuit.
**
Another recording session, another CD to be labeled and sent off on a never-ending journey. He loved these times, his opportunity to communicate in at least a small way with someone almost lost again. He was never a singer, but he tried whatever he could to make the recordings sound at least half-decent with what he had to work with. It wasn't much, but he hoped that in some way it would show that he cared enough to try.
He smiled slightly as he labeled the CD, putting it back in the case before sitting down to etch out his usual note, though it was threatening to be a full blown letter in his mind. There was so much he wanted to say, so much to beg the managers and producers to let his other half come home for just a little while if it could be done. It never would, the kind of people they worked with just wouldn't allow any such thing to happen, but he spent lengthy moments dreaming that it would happen.
He sealed the envelope, sitting down to his computer to do his small bit of research before addressing the bubble-wrapped package to somewhere he had never heard of. He stared at his blocky letters for a long while, daydreaming to the places they had once enjoyed when it wasn't a one-person affair. There was no 'I' in team, no 'solo' in partnership, but somehow it had appeared to roar its offenses.
He watched as the postage was entered, applied with generous amounts of viscous substance, before the paper holder was sent on the beginnings of its journey to another man's hands. He whispered his thanks before walking back outside into his silent reality. It was time to wait again, time to sit back and let people do their jobs just as he had.
**
Buses were cramped, meetings were stuffy, hotel rooms were just plain and ordinary. He had found another part of why fame was a bitter sibling with his attitudes. He hunted through his bags to find his small change and a CD player, fully planning on taking a walk to clear his mind of the mud-slop raging around him.
"Where do you think you are going?"
"For a walk and maybe a burger. Going to follow me there too?"
He raised a questioning eyebrow as the staff member quickly backed down, edging back to his own room.
"No peace...Damn record label..."
"Excuse me, sir?"
He rotated around to view the young woman at the counter, sighing and cursing fame under his breath.
"Yes?"
"Sorry to bother you, but this came for you this morning."
He slowly took the envelope, tracing over the scrawl.
"Thank you."
He ran his hands over the seam, contemplating as he exited the grand front doors onto the clamorous street. He tucked it under his arm as he started on his walk, winding through the avenues and boulevards that he'd almost forgotten in his time away.
After a long while, he found himself in a familiar booth, awaiting another fast-food meal while a small child jumped around on the seat across the room. She began to clap and yell when her mother returned with their food, "Hamgerber, Hamgerber!," her mother looking as if she were about to loose more than just her temper. He laughed under his breath, remembering a time when his own parents had come close to killing him after he had thrown a container of French fries across a restaurant. It was some elephant sized miracle that kept children alive and well through the early years, dodging the wrath of parents at every turn.
He settled onto his package again, sliding a finger under the tab and slowly tearing the flap. He would keep it of course, just like all the rest, but he was more interested at finding out what words would be given to him this time, the voice that would bring him 'home,' even for just a moment.
He pulled out a small stack of papers, along with a CD case, the front reading, "You know the routine..." He drew the player from his pocket, flipping it open to plug in the CD. He stopped for a moment, eyeing the title that had been written, drawing a quick and startled breath. A tear instantly leapt to his eye.
"I said I loved you...But I lied? What have I done?"
With doubt weighing heavily on his heart, he shut the lid and hit play, ready for whatever was going to come, what was expected from a title like that.
"You are the candle; love is the flame,
A fire that burns through wind and rain.
Shine your light on this heart of mine,
Till the end of time.
You came to me like the dawn through the night,
Just shining like the sun.
Out of my dreams and into my life.
You are the one, you are the one.
Said I loved you but I lied
Cause this is more than love I feel inside
Said I loved you but I was wrong
Cause love could never ever feel so strong
Said I loved you but I lied
With all my soul I've tried in vain.
How can mere words my heart explain.
This taste of heaven so deep so true
I've found in you.
So many reasons in so many ways,
My life has just begun.
Need you forever, I need you to stay.
You are the one, you are the one.
Said I loved you but I lied
Cause this is more than love I feel inside
Said I loved you but I was wrong
Cause love could never ever feel so strong
Said I loved you but I lied
You came to me like the dawn through the night.
Just shining like the sun.
Out of my dreams and into my life
You are the one, you are the one.
Said I loved you but I lied
Cause this is more than love I feel inside
Said I loved you but I was wrong
Cause love could never ever feel so strong
Said I loved you
Cause this is more than love I feel inside
Said I loved you but I lied..."
He had wrapped his arms around his chest, sobbing quietly as his worst ideas were transformed into a mad rush of emotions, ones that wanted to scream from him in a mad rage. It wasn't that he had really been deceived, it was the message tied within. He unfolded the papers, eager to read the words.
"Well, if you aren't planning on some way of getting me back right now, I'll be very surprised. I swear that I didn't mean to give you a heart attack like I know the title did, but I thought the song just summed up everything. And if you're wondering, every word of it is true, because I could never lie about that.'
'I got a calendar to count the days, but I try to focus on counting down the ones left to come before I see you again. Even when I absolutely hated touring, hated the road, it was nothing like trying to fight the loneliness that I face every morning. What I really feel sorry for is the fact that we never really settled out the argument I started over you staying. I wish I could go back and erase all of it because I know I was being selfish. Can you blame me?'
'Whatever happens from here on out, it's not going to be a solo attempt anymore, I'm sick of being in the dark. I know I act like I don't want to know about it, about anything, but I really do, more than anything. I want to know why they keep you like they do, and why some days I feel like I can't come anywhere near you, much less touch you. I want to know why things always have a hitch in them when it seems everything will finally go the right way.'
'I'll keep it short because I know you have things to do, but know that I'm always thinking about you. I can't wait to see you again, can't wait to actually see you and hear your voice coming from your throat. You wouldn't believe how much I miss simply saying hi..."
**
He opened his door, greeted by the ever-perky mailman who delighted in ringing his doorbell. He managed to keep his eye rolling down to a minimum until the back was turned and heading away again, an envelope clasped tightly in his hand.
He bolted for his study, literally shredding the paper to get at what was contained within. His shoulders visibly slumped when he found only a CD, no note, no message, no label. He sighed deeply as he hit play, the first strains of "I Miss You" snaking from his speakers.
He cried into his hands, his elbows set against his knees. He was startled when he heard the words louder, coming from right next to him, that he looked up into a set of crystal blue orbs. He fell against the welcoming body, arms wrapping tightly around him as the voice called deep into his mind.
"Because I miss you
And this is all I want to say
I guess I miss you beautiful
These three words say it all
You know I miss you
I think about you when you're gone
I guess I miss you
Nothing's wrong
I don't mean to carry on..."
"I missed you too Darren...I'm so sorry..."
"Dan, don't be, it wasn't your fault. What I did was wrong, and I should have never gone against myself. I won't let it happen again, you have my word."
"I said I loved you, and I'll never lie about that."
They watched each other for a fleeting moment, before falling into another quiet embrace.
