Darren Hayes...Yes, I always have been and will always be...Only now, I'm only a lonely half of a dead dream...
*We agreed that it was over, and the lines have all been drawn...
Those lines had been drawn, across the world for almost seven years...Both of us kings on separate sides of the globe. How did we ever agree to that?
*The plans we made began to fade, and now they're gone...
I keep looking back to those days on the Cross, everything we had...It was our dream, our fearless dream that you had started for us both...Your passion and fire, our future stretched as far as the horizon until we fell off the end of the world...
*Put your pictured in a shoe box and my gold ring in a drawer...
I had to forget it, put it behind me...You...Us...What it meant to be together in a life so unreal. And that ring, the ring you said represented all we ever needed...What is it but an old memory?
*They all say they're jealous of this freedom that I've found...
What freedom? Being tied to memories is no freedom...I'll never be free of you.
*If they were me, they would be out on the town...
Every time I go out, it's all the same...The bars, the smoke, the lone guitarist on the street, they all remind me of you.
*And they say they can't imagine what on Earth I'm waiting for...
But you know...You always did, but you let me walk away anyhow. Wonder if you're waiting for the same thing?
*Oh I shouldn't care or wonder where and how you are...
But I don't wonder, I know, and it gets worse every time I think about it...
*But I can't hide this hurt inside my broken heart...
I wish I knew when I actually realized what I had done...What you had done to me, me to you...Quite a lovely mess now after seven years...
*I'm fighting back emotions that I've never fought before...
Not until now have I noticed what I really felt for all those years, all the times we had to share a bed... How could I have known?
*And I'm writing you this letter, and it's killing me tonight...
And every night from now on...
*That I agreed when you believed it wasn't right...
I had gone too far into assumption...Thought you wanted completely out, out of everything, out of the dream we had...
*And I couldn't sleep up on the bed, so I'm down here on the floor...
The floor, the only place I really deserve...I didn't even tell you, didn't say goodbye...Didn't even say a word, never called when I should be praying for forgiveness...
*I'm not supposed to love you anymore...
But I still do...God forgive me, I do...More than anything else in the world....
****
Where I'm going today, I wish I knew, but like every other day now, it doesn't make a difference to me. I just walk the same old streets the way I always do, though it rips me apart.
*I've dealt with me ghosts and I've faced all my demons...
Oh how I pained against that locked closet door, the one that hid all the problems I didn't want to face anymore, not since you.
*Finally content with a past I regret...
I did stupid things, walking away when I should have stayed, turning my back on a friend that I thought would be there for the rest of my life. But these are things that I should have let go...
*I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness...
I cried over you, watched the picture on the wall never change from those happier days. I had to search myself for an answer, even if it wasn't what I wanted to hear...
*For once I'm at peace with myself...
In a very lucrative way, I suppose. It's enough for me to look back on it and say to myself that it was worth it, till the very end, but it still hurts.
*I've been burdened the blame, trapped in the past for too long...
I took it all on myself, figured that I would always be the reason why, though I didn't know why. I was so confused that I couldn't, wouldn't walk away from it...
*I've lived in this place, and I know all the faces...
Faces without names, without emotions for me, towards me. They show me no comfort when I need it the most...
*Each one is different, but they're always the same...
They never change, it doesn't matter who you are...It will never change their sight of you...
*They mean me no harm but it's time that I face it...
I have to figure these things out for myself, before time runs out, before it laughs at me again...
*They'll never allow me to change...
You should have been there at that last meeting, where it started to collapse around me. I don't know if you would have laughed or cried, knowing what they planned for me...
*But I never dreamed that home would end up where I don't belong...
No, you belong there, and you always will. You could never be the big talker, just the quiet dreamer that I always knew you would be.
*At last I can see, life has been patiently waiting for me...
A new life if I would have just picked it up, but now I find myself in the biggest mess of my life...
*And I know there's no guarantee, but I'm not alone...
Never alone in a city that is always full of sound and lights. These people never relax, never see life for what it is...
*There comes a time in everyone's life when all you can see are the years passing by...
Seven gone by, and no word from either side. Now that I look back on it, I wonder if that was the best idea, or if it would have helped me anymore...
*And I had made up my mind that those days are gone...
Had being the key word. Now I'm not so sure, or maybe I just never was...
*I sold what I could, and packed what I couldn't...
I couldn't stay there, and I think you knew that better than anyone. I don't like keeping the memories that could easily be ridded. I don't like thinking that I could see you out of any crowd...
*Stopped to fill up on my way out of town...
Just one last look before I left everything that I had ever known...
*I love like I should, and live like I shouldn't...
I try at least, though it shreds me. I can't keep anything for any amount of time. I'm too destructive...
*I had to lose everything to find out...
And I did...I lost my friends, my life, everything that I held dear to my heart.
*Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road...
And this road I walked today has led me to the airport again. You know, this was the last place I saw you, even if you didn't notice me. I watched you look around you, glance at the people who you'd never know before stepping through the gates. It was the last time I showed any emotion towards you...
*I'm moving on...
I look at the gates, luggage tables, and I silently wish that I would see you again, even if you didn't know. And looking around again, my breath catches in my throat as I swear my eyes are playing tricks on me. I walk slowly, breathing deeply until I can touch your shoulder, until your eyes can meet mine again...
"Hello Daniel..."
"Hello Darren..."
