Can I really truly believe in what they say? Or can it all just be one miserable little dream I'm walking in, one of dark clouds and cold eyes...Maybe it's just a lost dream for me, one that I can't have, can't hold anymore, one that the heart wants and will never release. 'When you know that you love them, and you really know, and all that matters don't matter no more...' That's what you said to me, right before you got on that plane to go home... 'I believe you don't know what you've got till you say goodbye...'

I shouldn't have said it, shouldn't have let you go. Should have trusted that last gut feeling that told me not to even take you to the airport. It said, "Just stay home...He loves you, you love him...Why let him go now when you are closer to really living than you have ever been?" But I did take you, because that was what you wanted. At least I got to say goodbye...

Daniel...I wonder if you felt it when it happened...Wonder if the pain of death ripped through you, or if you went in peace like I hope you did. No one deserves what happened to you, and I wish it could have been me in your place for all the things I've done. I broke your heart, I threw it away, then came crawling back to you when I shouldn't have even dared, but you forgave me, gave me peace when I should have been giving it to you. I'm broken, I don't know where to turn...

They said it was the engine that exploded, cabin lost oxygen and pressure, everyone suffocated, died before it hit. How can I even live? How can I go on pretending you are here when you're not, when I can't even see the road ahead of me as brightly as it is lit...Or am I just a fool for ever being here?

I hate walking alone, I hate sitting alone...I hate living alone. 'Do you know the pain, to want the one thing that you haven't got...' I do know...I know it now more than I ever did...It burns my heart like a steel blade...

Will we ever know why you were taken? Will I ever understand? Cry to heaven, let them all hear, and let my aching soul be free....